Time
- Hours -
She had been staring at her shaking blood stained hands for an hour, wondering if they were ever going to be clean again, until she had snapped, stormed into the bathroom and scrubbed them. She pushed down a bubble of hysterical laughter that threatened to escape as she noticed she probably looked like Lady Macbeth, frantically scrubbing at the stains that weren't there.
She marched back to the waiting room and pulled out her cell phone, making all the necessary calls was something that she used to hate, but now it was second nature, however, making them for Jethro was making her hands shake again, she sighed loudly as she shook her hands, trying to stop the tremors that ran through them.
She called Ducky first, needing her old friend with her as soon as possible. She called his team, dreading hearing the tone of Tony's voice when he realized what she was saying; she couldn't bear to break the news to Abby, instead passing the buck to Tony. She called Cynthia, nearly snapping at the sympathy she heard from her assistant, unable to appreciate it, not wanting to hear it, because hearing it would make the situation real.
That was when she began pacing, desperate to be doing something, anything, other than sitting feeling sorry for herself when Jethro was still battling for his life. Hang on, she silently pleaded, hoping that he would hear. She slumped back into a chair, suddenly exhausted.
"Jennifer?" A familiar voice called to her and she lifted her eyes to the gentle face that stood before her.
"Ducky." She said, her voice flat, emotionless and he resisted the urge to pull her to him, knowing that she would hate being smothered.
"How long have you been here?" He asked, sitting gently down next to her. She shook her head as if to clear her mind.
"Since they bought him in...minutes, hours...does it matter?" She asked. He took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.
"I don't suppose it does." She returned the squeeze with a forced smile.
"Ducky?" Her question was quiet and he would have missed it had he not been expecting her to say something, "Is he..." She broke off, unable, unwilling to voice her concerns. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled, she came to him stiffly, resisting comfort, not wanting to let go of the numbness that had settled on her.
"He's stubborn Jennifer, you know that." He felt her nod her head against him.
5 hours, 5 long, silent, terrifying hours they sat, with their hands clasped around each others, knuckles going white, only moving when the rest of the team arrived and joined them on their vigil. Abby threw herself into Ducky's arms, needing the comfort of touch much more than Jen. She just wanted his touch, wanted him to be awake, him to be sitting next to her. She began to pace again.
It was a further hour until the Doctor emerged, causing everyone, except Jen, to bombard him with questions. Ducky took the lead and asked the questions, translating for everyone, waiting patiently until the doctor had finished until he reassured everyone.
"He is in recovery. He lost a lot of blood." Jen paled at the thought that she could have prevented more blood spilling out and looked at her hands, once again imagining his blood all over them. Ducky noticed and took her hands.
"But he could have lost more and died out there Jennifer." He spoke softly to her, imploring her to understand that she did all she could. She nodded once, signalling him to carry on.
Abby clutched at Ducky's sleeve as he explained that Gibbs was going to be ok, eventually. They hovered outside his room, not wanting to see their leader incapacitated. Jen fell further back, her hands shaking again.
"He is going to be ok, Jennifer." Ducky said hating seeing her so pale. She looked at him with wide eyes and backed away, dread creeping in. He held his hand out to her. She shook her head again.
She wanted more than anything to see him but seeing him lying in a hospital bed would only bring back memories of his blood on her hands, memories of his eyes dimming at he clung to life, memories that were too fresh.
"I..." She began, unsure of how to explain. She settled for the first pathetic thing that came into her mind, "I'll be back, I promise, tell him I'll be back."