No Regret
Author: A'serene
Category: General; Episode tag
Rating: PG
Spoiler: 5x02 Family
Contents: Only two can understand how Tony’s feeling, they’ve been there before.
Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS.
Gibbs waited until Tony grabbed a change of clothes from the desk drawer. His moves were automated and his eyes dull. Tony was always full of mischief but that Tony was gone, replaced with a broken heart. Gibbs knew a thing or two about broken hearts matter of fact he could sense one right now.
He turned to find Director Jennifer Shepard watching the floor below her, hands gripping the railing. Leroy Jethro Gibbs wanted to hate her for what she'd done, lying, well not lying exactly, he'd taught her well. She was the reason Tony had fallen in love with that girl, and yet Gibbs knew she wasn't at fault. Whether he liked it or not, Tony had done that all by himself. Never fall for your work, or maybe he should rephrase that rule, never fall for anyone undercover. Gibbs wasn't blind, he could see the similarities between Jeanne and Tony and Jenny and himself, and he just wanted to ignore it. Gibbs watched as Tony went the men's room, Ziva's eyes following, McGee sighing, and Jenny finally coming down the stairs.
"Jethro," she said softly.
"Director." He heard her sigh and felt her next to him.
"Has he...is he..." Jen faded off. She didn't want to know, didn't want to consider that she was responsible, that Gibbs might hate her for this.
"He's not over her, do we ever get over those we truly love?" He questioned sadly and walked off towards the men's room. Jen watched him go, catching Ziva's side glance as she turned to go back to her office.
"Director."
"Ziva?"
"He'll be fine." Jen barley nodded.
Gibbs entered the men's room and found Tony splashing cold water on his face. Tony barley glanced at him.
"DiNozzo."
"Boss, another case?" Tony inquired. Gibbs was not the type for pep talks.
"You want to tell me about it?" Gibbs suggested. Tony sighed in exasperation.
"What is the men's room? Therapy?"
"DiNozzo." Gibbs voice was stern.
"I'm fine, there are no problems." Tony tried to sound convincing, Gibbs smirked.
"The Director..."
"The Director should be concerned about the frog," came Tony's bitter response.
"And not Jeanne?"
"She never cared what happened."
"DiNozzo, whether you believe it or not I know you loved that girl, and I know she's gone. You can either go after her or not."
"Probie and Ziva were saying that. I made up my mind."
"Did you? And can you live with it?"
"I have to."
"So your job is more important than Jeanne."
"No, but she deserves better."
"DiNozzo did you tell her you loved her?"
"Yes."
"Ah..."
"No rules about this Boss?"
"Oh there's one, never fall for anyone when you're undercover."
"Speaking from experience Boss?" DiNozzo inquired. He was curious to know, Gibbs was always quiet about his personal life and the only person Tony could think of that Gibbs might have loved undercover was...The Director, oh that's rough.
"DiNozzo, don't push it. Just try and decide whether you'll regret not going after her."
"Do you?" Tony questioned, Gibbs turned away. "At least you don't have to hunt her down, she's probably sitting at her desk," Tony paused, Gibbs had always been hard to read and he figured he would get one chance before he would earn himself a head slap. "I know you went to her house to unload her gun, and I know she bailed on a White House function and demanded to see you."
"Tony, wouldn't you want to be the one to protect Jeanne? She's going to need it," Gibbs stated walking out but he caught Tony's passing message.
"Jenny's going to need it to." Gibbs continued back to the desk area, leaving Tony to consider what he'd said. As the Boss, Gibbs wanted Tony to leave the girl, as a friend he wanted the one you looked at as his own son to be happy.
Tony's thoughts were interrupted as the door opened again and Director Sheppard walked in. She didn't say anything at first, as if she was trying to decide whether this was her place or not.
"Director."
"Tony," she paused. "You had to know it would end this way."
"I believe we already had this conversation. I didn't follow the rules, I get it."
"Tony is she worth your job?"
"No comment."
"DiNozzo can you live with it?"
"Can you?"
"La Granoilue was dangerous, just like Ari."
"You and Gibbs are similar in this vendetta thing, and its funny that you both regret the same thing." Tony moved to the door and opened it.
"Tony, I am sorry."
"Gibbs says apologizing is a sign of weakness, goodnight Director." Tony left and Jen followed reaching the desks as Tony and McGee struck up a conversation. Ducky and Abby had come up and Jen suddenly felt trapped. She went silently back up to her office and paused just before entering, leaning against the railings. She wasn't sure when he'd joined her or if he'd been there before her.
"He's never going to be the same again," she said.
"Jeanne is going to be the making of him."
"Is he going to go after her?"
"Do you think he should?"
"As Director of NCIS or personally speaking?"
"I want Jenny Shepard's opinion." She sighed and looked back down at the team.
"If he truly loves her, I think he should and if she loves him she would be forgiving. His cover wasn't anything different, didn't make him different, it just changed his job," she paused again. "But he can't Jethro, she's the daughter of a weapon's dealer."
"A retired weapon's dealer, one who is most likely dead, one who wanted to surrender."
"Do you ever regret going after Ari?"
"Not after he killed Kate."
"Now you know how I feel. If he's dead, I'm only sorry I wasn't there to see it."
"Are you Jen?" They were both focused on the antic of the rest of team, mainly to avoid looking at each other.
"He's tortured me for years. I just didn't think Tony would get caught in the middle. I really didn't think he would fall in love with her!"
"What did you think would happen?"
"Tony never lasted more than a few weeks with any of the girls he dated. He was perfect for this; he could get involved and not see it as anything more than a means to an end. I didn't know he was going to meet his true love, he told me he could handle it!"
Gibbs led her back to her office and closed the doors, no one else needed to overhear this. He was surprised when turned back to her that she covered her face. He could remember the few occasions when he'd seen her cry and she always tried to hide it. Years ago he would have pulled her into his arms, but it was not his right to do so and yet he found himself reaching for her anyways.
Jenny almost stopped crying as she felt his arms wrap around her and pull her close to his chest. He'd held her this way years ago, and she would not deny how often she had wished for his embrace in the last three years. His heartbeat soothed her and his steady strength calmed her down. Her tears finally stopped but she did not pull away nor did he pull back.
"It wasn't your fault Jen," he said. "You can't control love, no one can." His words dredged up her own feelings and she knew that in some ways his words were not just about Tony.
"Do you know what he's decided?" She asked still not moving, his hand still rubbing circles on her back.
"I think he chose his family."
"His family?"
"Us, the team, and his job."
"Will he be happy?"
"Sure, give him a week or two and he'll be back to trying to get a girl's number during an investigation. Besides I think there's someone who cares a great deal right in front of him."
"Ziva," Jen concluded.
"You know?"
"Jethro, she's my friend, I knew a while ago. I also know she won't act on it, for now at least. I'm not ever sure she realizes it."
"So much for Rule 12," he sighed. At this Jen finally tilted her head to look up at him.
"Maybe it just needs a revision."
"Any ideas, Director?"
"No. I was never very fond of Rule 12, always enjoyed breaking it," she teased. Wrapped in his arms, teasing and bantering with him felt good, she knew she didn't want it to end.
"Me too. You know it was the first rule I got reminded of after the hospital stay." She nodded to show she was listening; they never really talked about that time. "Franks wanted to know just what kind of partner you were, after he met you that is."
"What did you tell him?"
"Oh something very similar to what you said not to long ago."
"And that was?"
"You were my partner anymore, you were the Boss." She smirked as his teasing comment She'd been so pissed at him when she'd said that, and she knew she should have never put him up against the wall.
"Partner first, boss second," she clarified.
"Can I quote you on that?"
"Not when you're causing trouble for other agencies, but anytime you need backup," she replied. They still hadn't separated and both were trying to block out the possible consequences, the fact was they missed each other. "Do you think he'll ever regret not going after her?"
"He asked me that," Gibbs replied. "But as for Tony, I don't know, only he will."
"He asked you about your regrets? He must have been feeling particularly bold."
"Not all, just one."
"What did you tell him?"
"I didn't give him an answer."
"Do you regret," she paused hoping she wasn't about to get herself in trouble. "What ever it was he said?"
"Knowing what I do now, I don't know." She was sure that was the only answer she was going to get and was just trying to accept it when he continued. "At the time and for years afterward I did, but regret this second, no regret Jen."
"And if the same thing happened again, Jethro?"
"It won't."
"How do you know?"
"Cause I don't plan on letting you go anytime soon," he whispered in her ear.
"Jethro..." The rest was silenced as he kissed her; he pulled away softly on to kiss her deeper and she returned the kisses forgetting about everything except him. She'd figure the rest out tomorrow.
--The End--