Cherchez La Femme
- Part 3 -
Fear: An unpleasant emotion, caused by the threat of danger, pain or harm.
Gibbs hand shook as he looked at the photograph, it was Jenny in her back yard, she was sitting on her knees and smiling widely. Her arms were wrapped around a little boy, he had her smile and her large eyes, but they were blue, the same shade as his. Jenny was pointing towards the camera and he was following where she was pointing, he was holding a stuffed purple dinosaur under his arm, Barney. That dinosaur, the light brown curls, his beautiful son; his giggle that always brought sunshine to his day.
'Jen,' she stopped at the elevator, 'I'm sorry, I was, I'm sorry, I was just so,' she walked back towards him, 'so what?' 'Scared,' he whispered, his voice cracking 'How do you think I felt? The prospect of going ahead with the pregnancy, having a baby and bringing it up on my own, being a single mom working for NCIS, I was terrified, when I needed you the most you weren't there, you were never there,' she was right in front of him now, her eyes alight with passionate fury, her hair seeming to crackle.
'Jen, please,' she stared at him, waiting for him to speak, 'I was so scared, of,' 'of what Jethro, spit it out,' she knew what he was scared of but she wanted to hear it from his own lips, 'I was there when Tomas died, I was there when he was born, I was there before he was born. Pregnancy suited you Jen, you looked great,' he looked at her astonished face, he realised they were surrounded by his team and felt uncomfortable, he turned to Tony, 'I'm, um, you know, the glass,' he nodded, 'I didn't take it personally,' 'can we continue this outside Jen,' she nodded, also wanting some privacy to talk about their son and get her head around what he had just told her.
He picked up his keys and led her towards the elevator; she walked beside him quietly, still shocked. The doors closed and they headed down to the basement parking lot, they climbed into Gibbs car and he started the engine, 'you were there?' she asked as they started on their journey. He nodded.
'I followed you, I made sure you were never alone, especially when you were due, when you went into labour in the park,' her expression softened, 'a man flagged down a taxi for me, he paid for it to take me to the hospital, I never saw his face, that was...' 'me, I followed you in another taxi, I slipped into the labour ward, I pretended I needed to talk to one of the midwives, I disguised myself in scrubs and a mask and I stayed with you for nine hours, 43 minutes, until this tiny baby boy was wrapped up and placed in your arms, he was red, skinny, screaming, and boy was he ugly but he was the most perfect, most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.'
He caught Jenny's eye as she smiled, 'I also got two broken fingers,' Jenny laughed slightly and bit her lip, 'I thought I'd broken a nurses fingers, I'm glad it was you, you suffered a fragment of my pain,' 'you were shouting something about causing me immense pain, when you got your hands on me every time you had a contraction, and you were slowly crushing my fingers, ironic.' She laughed, 'I got my own back,' he nodded grinning, 'you sure did,' she grinned back, 'they asked me what I was going to call him, and I asked you what your name was,' 'I said the first thing that came into my head, Tomas, then you looked at him and said, 'Tomas, are you a Tomas,' then he gurgled and you smiled and kissed his head and said 'hello Tomas.'
She nodded and looked out of the window, she saw the familiar form of her town house before them, 'come inside with me, please,' he turned off the engine and nodded, 'course I will Jen.' Together they walked into the dark hall and he followed her into her kitchen, 'coffee?' he nodded and she made them a mug each, ground not instant. 'I wanna show you something, upstairs,' he nodded.
He followed her up the staircase and into her room, she set her mug down a coaster on her bedside table and bent down to open a drawer. He sat down on the edge of her bed and watched as she pulled out a white leather photo album, she turned it towards him and opened the first page. He ran his finger over the protective surface shielding the picture of their son; she sat down beside him and curled her legs underneath her.
'After he was born I watched from outside, watched you every evening as you drew the curtains with him in your arms,' she smiled, thinking of those evenings holding her son as she closed all her curtains and prepared to put him down for the night. 'Then when you went back to work, I sneaked in to see him, at least twice a week I came in and spent a couple of hours with him. I told him I was his daddy and I brought him Barney, didn't you ever wonder where it came from?' She nodded, 'I asked Rachael, the nanny, she said she bought it for him, she caught you didn't she, how did you bribe her to keep quiet?' 'An extra ten bucks each day I came, when I gave him that Barney doll he held onto it so tight and screamed when I tried to take it back again,' 'he wouldn't sleep without it after that, he always had it with him, where ever he was, I buried him with it, that way they would always be together.'
Gibbs wrapped his arm around her and rubbed her arm, 'I know,' she sniffed and crept closer to Gibbs, 'he was constantly muttering about his daddy, most of his words were jibberish, I never knew what he meant, daddy this and daddy that, any idea what Barney Daddy means, he used to chant it all the time.' Gibbs laughed, 'not a clue, but when he was with me he always chanted Barney Mommy, maybe he wondered why Mommy and Daddy were never together,' Jenny nodded, 'One night I remember he screamed and screamed, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, he refused to sleep and just screamed, I was so tempted to call you to find out why he was screaming for you. I wish I had now.'
Together they flicked through the album, stopping on each page to share their memories. They slowly moved further back on the bed curled into each other, they were happy, thinking of their little boy and all his qualities, the things they saw in him from themselves and each other. As they reached the last page Gibbs sighed and saw the darkness outside, Jenny followed his gaze. 'Jethro, stay,' he looked into her eyes and nodded.
Jenny closed the album and placed it on the drawers, she closed the curtains and sat down beside Jethro, she looked into his eyes and saw what she had always seen. She placed a tender kiss on his lips and pulled back to see his reaction, he was looking at her the way he had done all those years ago. He ran his thumb along her jaw and pulled her close to him, he kissed her gently, and she smiled against his lips and ran her hands behind his head pulling him towards her. This is what she had wanted earlier, this is what she had craved, to feel his lips against hers, his gentle touch and the security he gave her as he held her, but instead she had...
'Jen,' he spoke as he pulled away slightly, 'mmm,' 'what happened with DiNozzo, he said there was something I should know,' she blushed as she brushed her lips against his, 'I was crying, he comforted me and I took it too far, he's easily led, but I hurt him,' he looked at her seriously, 'what did you do?' 'I called out your name,' she looked at the bedspread; she couldn't see the suppressed grin spreading across Gibbs face. She looked up, 'Gibbs its not funny, he was crushed, I feel awful.' 'At least now he knows he'll never measure up to me,' she laughed and kissed him again, pushing his head back onto the pillows.
She curled up beside him and entwined her fingers with his, 'what are you thinking?' He was staring up at the ceiling, 'Earlier you asked me what I was scared of,' she nodded quietly, 'I was scared of, of losing my family again, I didn't wanna lose you and the baby like I did Shannon and Kelly I thought if you left I couldn't curse you and the baby, you'd both be safer, but I couldn't stay away, I couldn't stay away, I had to make sure you were okay, I had to see Thomas.' He took a deep breath and held her hand gently, she didn't speak, she waited for him to finish, 'I love you like I do her, and I love him like I do Kelly, the idea of losing you and our child ripped me apart.
When I saw that car coming towards you both I just threw myself at you to get you out of the way, he'd let go of your hand, he just lay there, you screamed and ran to him and I stayed behind you. I watched you holding him and I couldn't move, you wouldn't give him to the EMT's they tried to take him from you, you wouldn't let go, I moved your arms away and they tried to help him.'
He looked into her eyes and saw his tears mirrored by hers, 'I followed you to the hospital, I sat outside on the bench, you were just stood there shaking, hugging his Barney, I wanted to hold you, I wanted you to hold me, but instead I ran, I ran into the dark.' She slipped her arm around him, and laid her head on his chest, 'I won't leave you lonely tonight, 'm here now, and I'm not going anywhere.'
A tear trickled down from his eye and landed on the mass of red hair, she was here, she was holding him tightly, he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her closer. He kissed her hair and found himself crying, 'I, I,' he desperately wanted to say it but couldn't form the words in english, he though back to his time in
Raison d'être: the most important reason for someone or something's existence
FIN
P.S. I haven't written or spoken any french for four years, its going to be wrong in places - if anyone knows how to say it correctly please let me know how.