You'll Never Leave Completely
- Chapter 5: Memories -
DiNozzo was completely caught up in his musings about any possibilities that could have changed what had happened in the last hours. Something that would have prevented the death of their bosses and friends. Not that it would undo their death, but somehow, it was good to think about it, to keep his mind busy with some theories; to forget the reality in some way, and what he had seen in the diner.
Remembering the little moments he had the chance to observe, the moments that had made him so sure that Jenny and Gibbs hadn't always been only colleagues
"Abigail, why are you here?" Ducky's voice finally brought Tony back from his musings and made him turn his attention to Abby.
"I was searching for anything that would tell me where they are," the young woman replied. Tony frowned.
"Who are you talking about?"
"Gibbs and Director Shepard." The others exchanged worried glances.
"But Abby... they...," Ziva began, but stopped herself and searching for the right words, and then she continued, "What do you think you'll find here?"
"I know they're not dead. So there has to be some hint anywhere that will tell me where they are!" she exclaimed passionately, making the others wince due to her loud voice. "Gibbs is the best agent I know and Director Shepard was taught by him, so it isn't possible that they've died in a gunfight!"
"Abby... please, you should accept that-," McGee dared to try again talking to her after the events in the lab a few hours earlier, but was interrupted by her.
"No! And McGee, I already told you; do not tell me what I have to think!" She jumped up and again ran out, but this time the others followed and were able to catch up with her.
"Please, Abby, listen to reason!" McGee pleaded when he grabbed her arms and forced her to look at him. "I know it's hard; it is for each one of us. I don't want to hurt you and I don't want to tell you what you should think, but I won't watch you crucifying yourself either."
"But... the Director promised me to find happiness with the man she loves," Abby suddenly stated, and was met by four very confused looking faces. Imagining Abby and the Director having some kind of private talk seemed a bit strange to every one of them, but then, Abby had always admired Jenny and the Director obviously had really liked the crazy little forensic specialist, so maybe girl talk wasn't so far from being unusual...
"It has been during the dog case. I made her promise me that she won't wait till it's too late; that she would be happy with the man she loves. And I wanted her to say so because I felt it would be Gibbs." Her words made everyone else gasp; followed by a somewhat relieved sigh when she continued, "I never said a name, but I'm sure she knew whom I was talking about. I was hoping that she would clear things up, whatever had happened between her and Gibbs."
"Oh Abigail, but you cannot force such things." Ducky went to her and hugged her.
"Why not, Ducky? They could have been a happy little family. They are perfect for each other. They... they were..." She looked directly into the older man's eyes. "But now they'll never... They're gone, gone forever, aren't they?" Ducky knew that this was only one short moment of clarity; she was acknowledging the reality for now, but from his experience of the states and phases of mourning he knew that it wouldn't last very long till she was denying it again. Abby was more than anyone else of them affected by the death of Jenny and Jethro.
"Yes, Dear, I'm afraid they are. They are."
And with Abby starting to cry, again sobbing heartbreakingly, tears were rolling down everyone's cheeks.
---
Jenny was still fondling and petting the dog named "Jethro" - what a unique choice of name, it crossed her mind -, now sitting beside him on the floor, when Abby, who was sitting on the other side of the dog, again rose to speak.
"You know, this whole 'you have to accept the reality'-thing, someone said something similar to me a few years ago when one of my friends was dying," she began, remembering. "We weren't that close, but nevertheless it really bothered me and I didn't want to accept it, because he still looked completely healthy and all. So how has it to be for those who had to watch their beloved ones die slowly? Every day they have to live with the thought that a person they love is going to die and they can't do anything against it," she told Jenny, petting the dog gently. "And what I hate even more is that often the younger ones of such people had waited to be happy because they had thought that there is so much time left for them."
"That's what we all do, Abby. Nowadays, you have to decide between your job and a family. There is either career or husband, wife and children. At least for people like us who have a job that requires a 24/7 standby. I wouldn't want to do that to my family, leaving them alone on weekends or maybe holidays. I'd rather live alone," Jenny answered. She understood Abby better than the young woman would have guessed; she knew just too well what it meant to decide against being happy with someone you love deeply. But she also knew that sometimes, decisions have to be made, decisions that would hurt oneself and the other, but also those that were made to avoid dead ends. And judging from the today's situation she was in, it definitely had been the better decision all these years ago. At least if she didn't ask her heart and the walls it had built around itself since then.
Abby, on the other hand, wasn't going to be pleased by this
"Director...promise me something?"
"What, Abby?"
"Well, you know... I really like you... and... I hope you don't mind me saying that, but I want you to find happiness with the man you love, whether there is the job or career or whatever. You deserve to be happy. And to be loved."
Jenny Shepard was really touched by Abby's words, but they also made her sad. This young woman was so full of hopes and dreams, even though not many people would think of her in that way in the first place. But she cared for those she loved and she wasn't afraid to tell them of her feelings - something Jenny really admired and something she herself never had been able to do; not even with her own parents.
"Director?"
"Abby, I don't know-"
"But I know. You only have this one life. Don't make yourself regret your decisions when you're too old to change anything."
"Okay, I promise. But I won't change my life within the next few days."
"That's okay, as long as it happens within the next two weeks," Abby replied and managed a small smile, which was responded by Jenny.
After a few minutes sitting in comfortable silence, the red-haired woman added silently, "Promise me something, too, Abby? If anything ever happens to me... will you take care of... this one special man?"
"I will. You can count on me. But to be honest, I don't want to take care of him. It's your task and you should do it till you both are old and grey and... well, you know," the younger woman answered, and now her smile reached her eyes; even though she still was a bit chagrined, it felt good to know that two of the people she loved most in her life were going to be happy.
That she was going to get her Happy Ever After.