Cherchez La Femme
Author: Caf Pow
Category: Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Rating: R / P16
Contents: Literally 'look for the woman'. Ghosts of the past may haunt her with pain and misery but they can also reunite her with the happiest times of her life.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the main characters, however much I would love to.
Author's Note: This was supposed to be a one shot but it gained such momentum I had to extend it, it is a four parter. I will get more of Revenge is Sweet written, I had a bit of writers block after seeing Judgement Day but it is on the way.
Denial: Refusal to acknowledge an unacceptable truth or emotion.
She leaned back in her chair, relaxing against the soft leather; she rested her fingers on the edge of her desk and breathed deeply. She jerked her head to the side flicking her hair from her eyes; she tensed for a few seconds and gripped the edge of her desk tightly. She sighed and stared into space as she pulled open her drawer slowly. She couldn't sit here all day reliving it; it would do her no good, she sat forwards and hesitated before looking down into the drawer and lifting a photograph out. A small smile played upon her lips before she closed her eyes tightly and cupped her face in her hands. She stifled a sob and held the photograph to her chest for a few seconds before hastily returning it to the drawer.
She stood up and caught her reflection in the cabinet; she took several deep breaths and checked her make-up ensuring her stony, calm exterior was perfected before picking up her coat and bag and heading outside to her car. She was greeted by her detail and climbed into the back of the car. She knew what she had to do or it would haunt her for the rest of her life.
Almost as soon as she arrived at NCIS headquarters she was bombarded with case files and requests, Jethro, Tony and his update, Jethro, SecNav, Jethro, the director of the FBI and guess what, Jethro again. The one day of the year she would rather not see him managed to turn into the day where he was stood around every corner and on the other side of every door.
The looks on the faces of every occupant of the bullpen as she turned away from her latest confrontation with Jethro told her everyone would be avoiding her for at least the foreseeable future. She slammed her office door behind her and began pacing up and down the room, she needed to go, she needed to see it, she needed to accept it and move on, but how could she do that if she was being escorted everywhere like a four year old being taken to the toilet.
Tony headed towards the directors office, he pushed open the door and looked inside, he turned round to Cynthia, 'where is she?' 'She's in her office Special Agent DiNozzo,' Tony folded his arms and raised his eyebrows as he looked back inside, 'hmm her office looks clear to me,' Cynthia leapt up from her seat, 'what? She didn't leave her office,' she followed Tony inside the office. The room was empty, 'she didn't walk right past me,' Tony looked out of the window behind Jenny's desk, 'very mission impossible.'
He decided he would find her himself, he wouldn't involve Gibbs it was more than both of their lives were worth to tell him she had ditched her protection detail. He also decided if he didn't find her in an hour he would have to call in reinforcements then after three hours he would probably have to contact Gibbs and put himself at his mercy for not telling him sooner.
Jenny slipped into the hustle and bustle of the city streets and blended in with the crowd, she'd had plenty of practice over the years and it had become second nature. She pulled her sunglasses on and hoisted her bag higher onto her shoulder, how she had managed to escape NCIS headquarters unnoticed was beyond her, she was in plain view after she had sneaked out when Cynthia had taken a trip to the restroom. Out into the parking lot and driven out alone and no one had questioned it, 'incompetent' would be stamped across all personnel files of those in security today. Not even noticing the Director of NCIS leaving the building, not even questioning it, ridiculous, it's a federal agency for heavens sake, she thought as she wandered around before hailing a taxi.
She took her time as she headed towards the expensive flower boutique, she wasn't sure what to buy or what the point of buying flowers was, no one was going to enjoy them, she certainly wasn't planning to hang around to watch them wilt and die like everything else in her life, it was just something you did, buy flowers to put beside a loved one's grave.
She was just going through the motions, she walked inside and looked around at the bunches of fresh flowers. So many colours and sizes to choose from, she was confused and dazed by the smells and shapes, the heads leering at her with their lurid colours and huge posies. She backed away from the exotic and bright and found the smaller, more delicate colours and petals of Crocuses, Pansies, Bluebells and Chrysanthemums. She watched the carnations in the slight breeze and the soft delicate shapes of the Cerise Roses before finding herself entranced by the soft lilac glow of Statis.
She picked out a bunch of flowers and inhaled their sweet scent, they brought a tear to her eye and she cradled them as she headed to pay for them. The cashier smiled sympathetically as she took the cash and nodded her on her way outside. Jenny stopped at the white gates and stared out at the mass of white blocks on the thick carpet of sickly green grass. The last day she had been here was the day she buried him, the day she tried and failed to say goodbye to him, she had never loved anyone as much as she loved him. She would have done anything to save him.
Tony decided his best bet was to check with the security guards at the gates when Jenny had left, and what she had with her. He looked in through the window and caught the attention of the portly man reading a newspaper. 'Hey, just wondering what time the director left, she's got a new driver, bit slow, checking on how long it took him to get her to her appointment.' The guard stared at him, 'the director? Not seen her since she arrived this morning,' Tony stared at him, 'are you sure? 'Cos I know she came through this way, who else was on duty?'
'Todd,' 'where is he?' 'Went to use the restroom, I doubt he saw her come through, her car never came through here.' Tony nodded, 'I'll wait for him to come back.' After a very long and tedious conversation with the greying 'Todd' he finally found out that Jenny had left around fifteen minutes ago, alone and in an unmarked vehicle. He headed to the parking lot and jumped into his usual SUV trying to think where she may have headed.
He drove around the city centre thinking she may have been after privacy and retail therapy; according to Abby it was very relaxing to find a new pair of 6” platform boots with studs all over them. He watched the people on the sidewalk searching for someone with red hair, and a suit, several times he spotted redheads but each was accompanied by children or too tall, or too casually dressed to be Jenny. He was reaching for his phone to call McGee and Abby for help when he spotted a woman alone on the sidewalk; she hailed a taxi and looked around her as she climbed in. He recognised her immediately and followed the taxi out of town towards the cemetery. He waited at the other end of the street as she paid the driver and walked into the flower boutique, she was in there a good ten minutes before she returned with a bunch of lilac flowers and looked up at the rows upon rows of grave stones.
She took a deep breath and walked up the chalk white path trying to ignore the hundreds of brilliant white stones on either side of her, reminding her of the loss and pain. She fought to maintain her composure as she walked onwards, the flowers still cradled in her arms as she caressed them lovingly.
Tony followed her quietly as she led him further and further into the cemetery, he waited for her to turn off and walk towards one of the large expensive stones but she didn't, she continued towards the most heartbreaking section of the cemetery. The grave stones that bring a tear to each and every person that see them, in silent sympathy for those mourning the most tragic of losses.
Fait accompli: a thing that has been done or decided and cannot now be altered.